Showing posts with label headaches (real). Show all posts
Showing posts with label headaches (real). Show all posts

Friday, September 30, 2011

That Hoary Cripple, With Malicious Eye

I've spent the last six days in bed! Or on the lounge! Same thing! I was so bored today I nearly painted my nails! Black, but still! I feel very weird! I'm in at work tonight! Not sure this is a good idea! I have fifteen minutes before the trauma specimen finishes and I have to do a crossmatch! No pressure! I think I may lose my voice! That would be trouble! Semaphore doesn't work down phones! I've tried! The phone wound up rebounding into my face after catching on my out-flung arm! These exclamation marks are giving me a headache!

The fog has settled in for the night; the streetlights are hazy and soft, illuminating little. The road, bordered by untended grassy fields, dips ahead into the black. The mist catching on the grasses looks like frost; cold and breathtaking. Visibility is at ten metres and dropping: a man stands in the long grass by the side of the road. Unseen, he leans down to fuss at something at his feet, then looks at the road. He can hear nothing, but the fog - the blasted fog - could be hiding anything. He moves in front of the unseen bundle and reaches down. He pulls ropes up to his shoulder, turns and pulls the bundle behind. It could be a rolled-up rug. It could be.

Husbandly caught the lurgy as well, but he, natch, is shaking it off after a day or so. Shouldn't there be some rule about taking it in turns for illnesses? Not that I wish him sick, but it seems a bit unfair when I subsist on four hours sleep a day Mondays and Tuesdays while toddling off to work all night. Ah. Perhaps I have put my finger on the problem. Hmmm. Will have to consider options, yes?

The three sisters tended house for their ailing mother, a cliche in four parts. None of the sisters married; their mother and eventually they themselves discouraged such things. They grew their own vegetables and took in sewing when times were lean, or, not so lean, for special occasions. Over the years their prowess with needles earned them celebrity. They might have been known as witches, else.

My ten minutes is well up and has been for a while; there's been a problem. Now I have to wait for a new sample. Lucky me. I shall leap (leap!) into action when it arrives. I really do need a life instead of alternating odd paragraphs. I would have liked to have taken some more time off but ditto the needing a medical certificate and unable to get to doctor; I'm not so badly off as I was, I'm just tired. Or...

There were cigarette butts jammed into a styrofoam cup by the back door, squashed into dirty liquid that might have been coffee. She hoped none of the staff knew she came out here, but didn't care enough to stay inside. She could sit by that bed for only so long before the walls closed in, the smell became unbearable, the scream inside her head no longer un-screamed. The hospital was tiny - he should have been flown out to Sydney yesterday. There was a storm, she could feel the acid dripping off the words - more important people than her husband would be flown out first. Then the storm. He was still here and no longer conscious.

Ferrets dance in my fevered brain and I feel I should explain; the darkness and dreck. Nah. I just like the word ferret. I wish I had brought my pillow tonight though, if only to be able to rest. Every now and then. Between samples, as it were. At least I no longer have to do fertility counts (yes, that is what it sounds like - Gentlemen, if your swimmers were slow, I salute you - they were easier to count). I sometimes miss some of the things I've done in my career. I told small lad about being an enucleator for the Eye Bank (yes, removal of eyes for donation). It was a brief period. His response? "Yuck." Succinct. I like it.

I hear the sea booming at the shoreline through the crack of the window and wonder if I should be finding it relaxing. I smell jasmine from the trellis just under the window: the night should be warmer so the scent of jasmine can herald some promise. The smell of flowers should always be warm, because the first time I smelt gardenia was at a funeral. The body was cold so the smell was stale.

See? Lots of detail in the unwritten words. It is long past midnight now, I had to break off to do all sorts of work and ... stuff. I am going to put this in under Septemeber, because I like temporal upsets (it's like I have my own TARDIS). I would sing if I had a song to sing, but in lieu of singing I shall spare your eardrums and simply say, if they held upper-class twit of the year, someone would claim discrimination. It would be an open event for twits of all socioeconomic dispositions. There's a thought, yes?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

CMV Negative and Irradiated

I've spent the last two weeks feeling like crap (on a stick!). I managed to work my five shifts-in-a-row bonanza feeling only marginally blech (and how too, too marvellous to combine that with four-hours-of-sleep-a-day marathons). Then it came to the five days off. Didn't make it off the lounge, except for the occasional shower and cups of tea when no-one else would get it for me. Small lad is a bit young yet for the pouring of hot beverages, and husbandly can't be there all the time.

Now of course I'm back to work again (I like eating, apparently, and that kitchen won't pay for itself). Right now I'm tea laden and viciously hating the RCPA QAP survey.

No wait, right now I'm tea-laden and giggly for no good reason. I'm not happy with the RCPA survey, but them's the breaks if you want to work in a professional field and apparently I do.

I'm fighting very hard at the moment not to fall into the Pit of Despair. I changed jobs to give myself some breathing room, but it seems that the indians just keep coming and coming; mixing metaphors is also one of the things I was trying to get myself away from.

The utterly crushing depression at the beginning of the year was a bit crap. In the same way that running over your cat in front of your kid is a bit crap. Not that I have done that, and here I knock on every piece of wood I can find, because just lately, universe, you seem to piss all over me whenever I open my metaphorical or actual mouth. Not that I'm paranoid or anything.

I don't mean anyone has shot my dog (I don't even have a dog) - or run over the cat, if you like that better - just I find myself being held up a bit. I was having a high dudgeon moment about something and not half-an-hour later found I had to do exactly the same thing. Because that's how it all pans out; beware the high horse you ride today because you may have to clean up said horseshit tomorrow. And that high horse horseshit is heavy. Add some insecurity, a dash of loneliness and a ravening fury about the uses to which your life has been put, and hey presto! misery central.

Millions of people have it worse; these things will pass. I'm doing my damnedest not to complain about what I do or don't have, because really, even if I felt I was in the worst job in the world (personally, telemarketing ranks slightly below shovelling shit in an abattoir but only barely), I'm still out in front - look at husbandly and small lad, they are so marvellous - but I'm getting a bit frustrated with the timetable here. There are things I wanted to be doing by now, and I'm not doing them.

Some of those things, like the kitchen, I'm deliberately not touching. The four-month-supposed-to-be-only-one bathroom renovation extravaganza makes me very, very tired and thus not enthused about being without a kitchen for any length of time. So I wait until I can save some more dosh. Okay then.

So then I think about organising the house. It's lovely, of course, to have a house that I can do anything with (in a severely limited way - we have the most stupidly proportioned house in the world; it can't even boast interesting angles). But oh, there are just too many rooms. Obviously thinking about this at four in the morning is a bad idea.

It comes down to being tired. And sidetracked. And tired.

I had my five days off and instead of spending it doing anything I wanted, which incluuded such delightfully decadent things as cleaning the bathroom*, I wound up ill. Before that it was a do I had to attend. Before that another do; and various running around after goods for birthdays, easter, oh wow I'm in fine whingeing form this morning.

I'm not even thinking about writing. I'm so...discouraged and feel like a complete prat. I also feel extraordinarily stupid these days - starting a new job will do that to you.

* I like cleaning our bathroom. Sad sad sad sad sad.

I did finally catch up to current day mimi smartypants, so points to me for that.

And in a horrifying aside, why the hell did I look at this and why am I linking it now?

In my perusals of smartypants, I found about a great website called BookMooch, a site for giving away and receiving free books. Well, nearly free. You pay postage to send them away. My first ten books will go in sometime today.

We watched X-Men: The Last Stand last night before I came in to work. I tried to talk small lad out of it, because it is sad. In the all-of-these-people-die-and-the-good-girl-is-now-bad-and-even-the-others-are-morally-ambiguous sense of sad rather than this-is-a-completely-crap-movie sense. Others may disagree, if they really want to.

At the end of the film, small lad turned to me and said "you're right Mum, it was sad, but sometimes I need to feel sad. I've been happy for yeeeeears now."

He quickly amended years to months, but I like the balance of the outlook. Not quite sure where it came from; I'll take it anyway.

The plan for today, since plans are a good way to stay out of the Pit of Despair, except when I don't/can't/won't stick to them, is to take small lad shopping this afternoon. On the shopping list, aside from something nice for dinner (because boy am I tired of I-can-throw-this-in-a-pot-or-microwave-and-no-cooking-skill-is-required foods), are:
  • Lego castles
  • Megamind the DVD (as opposed to Megamind the Horse Rustler?)
  • Real coffee in a cup and everything, instead of dishwater in cardboard (coming soon to a theatre near you - Dishwater in Cardboard! You won't believe we charged you money for it!)
  • A book. Because clearly my collection of two-thousand or so is lacking something.

I'm not really CMV negative, I'm too old for that sort of thing.